The day my life changed....

I remember every event...February 28th, 2013. An ordinary day. It was a Thursday. I had worked all day and was exhausted. My Dad was on a snowmobiling trip, so I decided to call mom to see if she had spoken to him yet. No, she hadn't, because it was before 9:00 pm, his time 10:00 pm our time. He didn't want to call during "peak hours" on the cell phone we provided for him. He thought it was a waste because it was free after 9:00 pm. The man, worth millions, would do anything to save a dime. So, here I was talking on the land line to my mother and my cell phone rings. Eric looks at my phone and says "It's your brother". I, not wanting to interrupt the riveting conversation with my mom, whispers..."answer it!" I can hear my brother on the other line. He says "Get to mom's, now." Flat, but emphatic. I tell mom that Mike had called and we are all supposed to go over there. No, I don't know why, just that we were all going to meet at her house, ASAP.

We throw Roo, my adorable dog, into his kennel and throw on some shoes and scramble to get in the car. Eric is driving and we are holding hands. I'm starting to get worried. What is going on? Were one of the kids in an accident...dead...oh my God...what are we going to do? So many possibilities went through my head on the 7 mile trip from my house to my mom and dad's house. Never what I heard next...

We arrived and Mike wasn't there. We were in the den. The den in the house is typical of any 60s era house. Big built in desk with cabinets and book shelves. Big enough fro 2 La-Z-Boy rockers and a couch. Susie at the desk, Mom in her chair, me in Dad's chair and Eric on the couch. It wasn't too much longer and he walked into the house. He opened his mouth...and my world stopped. I don't understand. He was supposed to call at 10:00. He was supposed to be having a good time. He was supposed to come back and plant the fields, help us trim our tree, and celebrate his 74th birthday. I look to mom...she is just shaking..."it can't be true...no...it can't be true". It was. Horrible.

Horrible for Mike, I know. He explained how, about 2:00, Dad was leading the snowmobile group in a remote part of Utah (he was always leading...GPS Gordon was one of his nicknames) the group got together to regroup and decide where to go next. Everyone started their machines and someone looked at dad and he was slumped over the handle bars. Kind of looking like he was messing with his boot. That someone yelled at him, no reaction. They called search and rescue while someone attempted CPR, but it was too late.

The local friends who were with him on the trip didn't want to let Mom know when she was alone. The didn't know Mike's phone number, so they called my dad's cousin. He was the one who finally was able to reach my brother. Crazy, but I'm glad it was my brother who told me about dad. I'm not sure what would have happened if it was the cousin, his friends on the trip or even my mom.

Now, 3 months 10 days later, I still can't believe he is gone. My mom has moved into a duplex/condo in a retirement village nearby. My brother and sister-in-law have moved in and redecorated the house where I spent most of my childhood. And my niece and nephew have full reign over the house where they have spent all of their lives. I'm not sure how I feel about it all. On one hand, I want everything to stay the same, because I want him to return from the trip, alive. On the other, I know life has to move on. We can't spend the rest of our lives wishing for the impossible.

I want so badly to spend one more hour with him. To tell him I love him, to tell him thank you for all the good he has instilled in me. I owe my work ethic, my love of football, my love of photography, my house, my vehicle, my very existence to him. I want the phone to ring again, to hear his voice about a computer question...or just anything at all. Most of all, I want to hear his voice say "I love you" one...more...time... I want to feel his sloppy kisses, I want to feel his arms around me, I want to feel his scratchy beard as he hugs me.

Then I think, if I feel this way, what does mom feel, think, want? What does Mike?

I know this...I will always remember to hug my mom and tell her I love her. I will always remember that life can be gone in an instant and I don't want to leave things unsaid. I will speak my mind, and do what I feel is right in every situation...even if it is unpleasant. I will always treat others as I would want to be treated. I will always be fair and equitable in every thing I do. I will hug my niece and nephews and tell them that I love them...even when they squirm, and I hope they know I mean it.

I will keep my friends close...even though some live away from here. There is nothing like a friend who will come to my house when I call, even though I am in my pj's and haven't brushed my hair or my teeth. There are always friends who show up when you need them, and when you don't think you need anyone, but you do. There are long lost friends who come to support you, even though you haven't spoken to them in 20 years. There are friends who live far away and leave touching messages on social media about the impact your loved one had on them. And, best of all, there are friends who will listen while you cry.

Thank you for listening while I cry.

This is the top of his casket.  Totally fits my Dad.

My Dad

You can almost see the smile on his face!